12 July 2010
My tummy is finally starting to feel firm again. No, I have not been working out. I think it’s just that my internal organs that were rearranged by Emma’s little growing body and random kicks are now, six months later, settled back into place. It’s got the familiar little pooch to it that it had back when I used to think I was fat. I’m so happy it has returned! It is much better than having a tummy that feels like a deflated balloon. It may have been that Daniel and I just went on a trip to celebrate our anniversary, or it may just be that I am actually looking good these days, but yesterday I looked in the mirror and I believed it. I look good. I’m not trying to boast, I’m just happy I finally think that about myself. I know I was skinny in high school, and blind too, because I didn’t like the way I looked. Now, that I am down to the weight I was in high school, I am so stinking excited. I guess the tough part will be keeping this up. I know I can’t eat 4-5 meals a day and still lose weight after I stop breastfeeding.
I’ve been focusing on looking more like a woman (at least a female), for the sake of my daughter, and because I feel like an adult after having a baby and turning 24, the age I never considered would become a reality for me. I actually bought women’s shorts, and felt rather naked walking around in them for the first week or so, because I was used to wearing boy’s cargo shorts, which cover way more of your legs.
I do believe I am an adult now. It’s been a slow realization, but I am starting to act like one unconsciously. I even had an adult thought the other day. Now before you get all excited, here’s what I mean: I had a lot of schoolwork and housework to get done, but I was exhausted from being up all night with the baby. I thought to myself, “I can sleep when I go to bed tonight, I’ll work instead of taking a nap.” Haha. I thought to myself after that one, “Who are you and where did the real you go?”