Feel So New…

For those with children, this should be easy to remember, for others, just trust me:

Those first few hours and days, you may not want to fall asleep even when you desperately need to, and when you wake up what’s the first thing you search for? Your precious new baby! The first thought in your mind, the first face you find, the first intention is your child. It’s love. It’s bonding. It’s seriously needed at that time. This kid’s been tucked away inside you for nine months and you’ve known for the most part that s/he is safe and secure, and now that s/he is out in the world and you fell asleep, well you have to make sure immediately. Also, it’s just purely delightful to enjoy this little bundle as soon as possible. S/he is your child, and you LOVE them.

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And then somewhere along the way, I don’t know what happens.  My assumption is that you start to realize that if you are ever going to successfully care for them, you HAVE to get some sleep. You look forward to the first full night/week/month of not being woken up for 4/6/8 hours. There is nothing wrong with this, because it’s necessary. If your child screams his/her little head off immediately upon awaking, instead of quietly preparing you a bouquet of origami roses with their blankey while awaiting your return with a smile, then you learn to “prepare” yourself for going in there.

Eventually, it’s just not the first intentional delight on your mind every awakening moment. Eventually that might become a cup of coffee, a simple shower, your quiet time, or even dare I suggest your husband.

And that’s not bad at all.

But this morning, I wanted my children first thing when I woke up as badly as children want to raid the tree on Christmas morning. It was delightful to feel that yearning to see their faces again, to know that just across the hall a smile and a hug were available just for me and tailor-made to fit my heart- and want it.

I know that’s from God.  I know it’s His love filling my heart for them.  Because that’s where I get it from, that’s what I’ve been praying for so desperately- a renewed and fuller, overflowing love for them, while my hormones and selfishness would dictate otherwise.

And I’m just so glad!

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