Went to the dentist today, and while I have a wonderfully talented un-sadistic one, I still HATE it. The thought crossed my mind that I would rather be in labor than stay there to have holes drilled in my teeth. That started a mental distraction of comparing the two, which may have been God’s answer to my prayer to “Just get me through this, please.”
So, without further ado-
Top Ten Similarities of Having a Baby and Having Dental Work
10. Most people want some form of pain control.
- In my case, the epidural with Bug only took on my left side, and today they had to stick me 5 times to get the right nerve. I’m wired all sorts of crazy. One time the anesthesia numbed my eye and not my teeth.
9. You’re inevitably hungry afterward and have limited menu options.
- Can’t chew much after dental work, and you are at the mercy of the hospital cafeteria after the birth unless you have nice family members.
8. When you walk into the room, there is a daunting display of sharp silver instruments lined up on blue paper.
- Whether you realize it or not, that blue paper winds up with red splotches all over it in both places.
7. Relaxation techniques are helpful if you can remember how to do one.
- Friend, “Just go to your happy place.”
- Me, “I don’t know where that is!!!”
- Friend, “Try Orlando.” (She knows me well.)
6. There’s a high likelihood some part of your body will stay unpleasantly numb afterward.
5. Lots of stretching and pulling going on.
4. You can never adequately see what is being done to you.
- (And that’s probably a good thing.)
3. The person whose face you desperately search for signs of hope/terror is always covered with a mask and goggles.
- I think they also practice not showing any emotion. Seriously, is that a class offered in your medical degree plan, Stoicism 101?
2. You’re going to “feel some pressure”.
1. They can’t get anything done until you “Open a bit wider, please.”
The main difference is that with labor you are handed a beautiful sweet child who makes it all worthwhile, and with the dentist, you are handed a bill.
Here’s hoping the home birth I’m planning this time will have few, if any, similarities.